Scaring Muggles The Wizard Way
by worrywart
Summary: In answer to the SS/HG Facebook challenge, Severus and Hermione are on a trip to the United States when the mood strikes. However, their happiness is interrupted by an over enthusiastic bunch of Muggles.


**We are a wild bunch on the SS/HG page on Facebook, and one of the ladies challenged us to come up with a bit of smut with an emphasis on Severus' sexy, sexy voice. I hope this fits the bill!**

**It's not beta'd, so all the mistakes are mine, mine, mine! What isn't mine are the characters; those belong to JK Rowling. Story is obviously AU and characters are OOC.**

Later on, he admitted he did it because he was bored. He had followed the witch all the way from Salem, Massachusetts, to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, to the cemeteries of Louisiana, and now to the bug infested midlands of Mississippi. All because he couldn't refuse the little lioness that had his heart and usually his cock every night.

Severus leaned over the sink to spit the toothpaste out of his mouth when he heard his witch yelling.

"C'mon, Severus! If we don't hurry, the tour will start without us!"

He looked at himself in the mirror and shivered at the thought of yet another tour. At least this one was at night so he wouldn't burn in the hot sun, and one could also hope the local bug population was diurnal.

"Hermione," he said as he came out of the bathroom, pulling a grey short sleeved shirt over his head. "You've toured me to death. Why do we have to go from state to state looking at dumpy old mansions and empty fields for again? And why is this one in the dead of night?"

Hermione picked up the Muggle digital camera and stuffed it in the ever-present beaded bag she carried and turned to face Severus.

She raised her eyebrow as she contemplated the dark-haired man in front of her. His hair was longer than ever, and pulled back with a leather tie. He was dressed in mostly black, his requisite colour—_and face it_, she thought, _it looked so fucking sexy on him_—his baggy shorts were black and his shirt ...oh his shirt was just a tad too tight which meant his gorgeous chest muscles stood out. She had a fleeting moment of simply ditching the tour and fucking the brains out of Severus Snape instead. Shaking her head and licking the bit of drool that had trickled onto her lip, she replied, "You know why, Severus; need I tell you again? It's for my final pa—"

"Paper; yes, yes, I know. Your precious paper."

"You think my final thesis is stupid, don't you?" Hermione lips began to quiver.

_Damn, not again_, thought Severus; _when will I learn to keep my mouth shut?_ He walked over to Hermione and rubbed her arms in apology. "No, love; I don't think it's stupid. It is unique, you must admit."

"Well, Paranormal Studies is a new division of the Ministry; if I can write a good paper for my combined Transfiguration and Charms mastery, I may just have a chance at a job there. No one has ever studied the effect of Muggle paranormal beliefs compared with actual known wizard/witch activity before."

"Leave it to _you_ to find a way, however. Now, it's nearly ten p.m., and I believe you said the tour starts at eleven? Why can't ghosts in America haunt during the day like they do in England?"

"If you'll remember right, mister, they do. _We_ have seen them all throughout the trip; it's the Muggles who don't. And besides, some feel the 'witching hour' is shortly after midnight."

Severus snorted. _Witching hour, indeed. _He leaned over and kissed his lioness. "Come along then, _witch; _your hour awaits." As Hermione went through the door of their hotel room into the hall, Severus gave her a slap on the arse, receiving a glare, ruined by a giggle, in return.

"You'll pay for that, wizard."

"I hope so," he said mischievously.

Severus walked along quietly beside Hermione, his arm draped along her shoulder, her arm on his waist. _Life with Hermione was quite pleasant indeed_, he thought.

She had returned to complete her eighth year after Voldemort was defeated. He no longer taught, but continued to live at the castle while he recovered from the snakebite. If it hadn't been for the celebration ball at Yule of that year, they wouldn't have even gotten together. All it had taken was a bit of courage on Severus' part and a simple request to dance and they'd been together for three years now.

Severus left the school when Hermione did; their relationship was going smoothly and they opted to live together when she graduated. He would do consulting work for St. Mungo's, brew for Hogwarts, shag Hermione senseless and be happy. He was.

Hermione for her part was delighted with the arrangement. Severus made a fair amount of money and combined with her Ministry award, they were quite comfortable in the flat they rented. He was a beast in bed, encouraged her studies with relish, and on the odd occasion, even allowed Harry Potter to visit.

They took a taxi over to Oak Harbour where Maison Marais was located. This was the locale of their last tour of the trip. Severus started complaining as soon as he got out of the taxi because gnats started attacking him as soon as he stepped out of the air-conditioned conveyance. Slapping at his neck he said to Hermione, "I suppose there was no chance that there'd be less bugs."

Hermione slapped at a few insect feasting on her arms. "Look, we can duck behind that tree and apply a Repelling Charm to each other."

Severus smirked. "I can think of something else to do to you behind that tree."

"Were three goes this morning not enough for you?"

"No."

Hermione laughed pleasantly. "Be a good little Professor on this tour, and perhaps I will reward you later."

"Promises, promises."

"I _always_ make good on my promises to you, love. Now come on; I see the tour group in the front garden just ahead."

Hermione and Severus walked over to the group to find a somewhat skinny, yet overly made up women with a shrill, nasally voice calling the group to order.

"Now y'all keep together. I don't wanna lose any y'all on this trip. We still don't know if any of the ghosts are friendly or demonic. For your own protection, no one is allowed to wander away from the group. You may take pictures; digital cameras are best for picking up images."

Severus let his mind wander. He had heard a similar spiel at all the places they visited. As he gazed around the large grounds the made up the plantation, he noticed a poltergeist in a nearby tree and nudged Hermione. She made a small noise to let him know he had her attention, and he pointed to the tree.

Hermione looked up to where Severus was pointing. A small greyish poltergeist, wearing an old fashioned nightgown and cap looked back at the witch and wizard and waved. Hermione went to wave back and Severus pushed her hand down. "Really, woman; you'll attract attention."

"Oh, yes, and the little dance you did when you ran into the cobwebs in Gettysburg didn't attraction attention?"

Severus snorted and pushed Hermione ahead of him along the path. He let the nasally tour guide continue to bullshit the tourists as they walked through the grounds, pointing out areas where ghosts could hide and giving a history of the house. He lost interest twenty minutes in and began to look for ways to entertain himself.

At first, he sent wandless mild stinging hexes at some of the more gullible tourists and then using his wand discretely, conjured up a ghost and chased two of the Muggle women. The tour guide was furious that her recitation had been disrupted, and yelled at the two women to cease at once and return to the group. Severus thought the poor women's reaction was great fun, but he really was sick of the tour guide. With a flick of his wand, he conjured up a bat that swooped and dived at the tour guide, who unsuccessfully flailed her arms in an attempt to slap it away.

He hadn't realized that Hermione figured out what was going on until she finally whispered, "_Expelliarmus," _and snatched his wand away, threatening to cut off sex for a year if he continued.

The group was now heading toward the house from the back garden. Severus watched as the upper windows of the house became populated with ghostly shapes. Hermione leaned into him and said, "I see them, do you?"

"Of course. They look friendly enough, but I wonder how they'll take to a load of tourists tramping through their house?"

"More than likely, like all the other ones have done; a few moving doors, books falling off the shelf, shadow here and there, and then done. Nothing will be on camera except dust spots and overexposed lights."

"If it's all bunk, then why are you studying it?"

"Because it's the Muggle reaction Severus, the psychology behind the belief. It will be helpful to know how Muggles react so that when we deal with them in the Ministry, we'll understand why they believe and see what they believe and see."

"Wouldn't it be easier just to _Obliviate_ them?"

Hermione began to answer when they were interrupted by the tour guide. "Excuse me y'all. I know you're not from around here, but surely even your mommas taught you it's not polite to talk when others are?"

Hermione blushed and Severus sneered. Suitably chastised, they went into the house where they found the tour guided and huddled the group together to issue more instructions... don't touch this, don't wander off, etc. Severus thought he'd scream if he was told one more time not to interact with any spirit formation of any kind.

Five minutes into another boring lecture about the history of the house and how its occupants met their untimely ends, a completely bored, Severus turned his attention to Hermione. She was beautiful when she was completely immersed in something she was studying, and he could see in her eyes that she hung on every word the tour guide said.

His eyes traced over her sweet little body. Today she wore a brown spaghetti strap tank top edged in lace with a short-sleeved button down shirt that she wore open over the tank. Both shirts stopped just above the curve of her delicious bum. Severus knew that the skin there was very sensitive, and at this very moment in time, she had a pair of love bites on each buttock. His cock twitched slightly in remembrance of just what they were doing when he placed them there. He liked the length of the shorts as they exposed her lovely long legs, but did not show either of her bum cheeks. He stepped closer so he could lean in slightly to smell her perfume.

His hair must have tickled her cheek because Hermione turned her head to look at him, and he bumped his nose into her cheek. With a small smile, he stole a kiss and signalled her, quite imperiously, to pay attention to the tour guide. When she turned back he smiled, an evil plan forming in his mind.

He wandlessly began to pester Hermione, or rather, began to seduce her. Right in the middle of this stupid, boring tour. It was subtle first, a wandless caress of her bum and then her breast. She wasn't aware of what was really going on yet, but Severus could see her body react and decided to ramp it up a notch. With a wave of his hand, he sent a spell that would cause a more firm caress of her breast. He heard the hitch in her breathing as she reacted. Next, he sent another spell that pulled the crotch of her shorts upward toward her sex in a pulsing fashion. He enjoyed watching her gait falter as she walked.

He leaned in, his voice pitched low so only she would hear. "You are so fucking sexy, do you know that?" He was delighted to see her shiver in response. He leaned in again. "I want to take you from behind right now; shove my cock into you and just shag you until you can't walk. Or perhaps I should just throw you against a wall and rip off your shorts and eat your delectable pussy?"

Hermione stood still, her breath hitching, and hissed, "Severus, stop!

He leaned in again and inhaled. "I can smell you; you're so fucking horny right now. I bet that if I stuck my finger between your legs right now, your shorts would be soaked."

"Oh, gods," she panted quietly.

Again, he leaned into to whisper, "We could find a spot, and you could suck my cock. You love to do that, don't you? You love to finger yourself while you swallow me deep into your throat, don't you?"

"Excuse me!" A shrill voice broke into their little tête-à-tête.

Both Hermione and Severus looked up. "Yes, madam?" asked Severus.

"If y'all are not going to pay attention, perhaps you could at least be quiet?"

Hermione piped up, "So sorry, please continue, this is fascinating." The tour group glared as one at Hermione and Severus, and then moved forward following the guide. Hermione and Severus fell to the rear of the crowd.

"Severus, you are rotten!" Hermione said quietly.

"But you are horny now, aren't you?"

Hermione reached forward and pressed a palm to Severus' shorts. "I am not the only one," she said, raising an eyebrow.

Severus quickly looked around and saw a small parlour to his right. He grabbed Hermione by the arm and dragged into the room and shutting the door behind them. He was on her in an instant, kissing her and not giving her any choice in the manner of kiss; he simply pried her lips open with his tongue and tasted her mouth. Pulling back, he said, "I can't wait; I have to have you now!"

Hermione was just as eager. "You were driving me crazy, talking dirty to me like that. I probably would have come in another minute." She pulled his shirt over his head and immediately snagged a nipple with her teeth, biting down.

Severus groaned. He had very sensitive nipples and he enjoyed Hermione's ministrations of them, gentle or rough. He wasted no time pulling at the belt of Hermione's shorts to free her of the garment. He pulled her head away from his chest and kissed her again, steering her as he did so to an old, mouldy sofa. Leaning her against the arm of the sofa, he knelt down and pulled her shorts and knickers down. He leaned in and inhaled. "Delicious. Shall I lick your quim? Do you want me to stick my tongue inside you? Fuck you with my tongue? Do you want me to Hermione? Tell me what you want me to do!"

Hermione knotted her fingers into his hair and pulled his head closer to her sex. "I don't care what you do, wizard, just do it. Suck me, finger me, tongue fuck me; just make me come!" she panted heavily, begging for relief.

Severus leaned in and spread her legs as far as he could. "Your wish is my pleasure." His tongue landed ever so briefly on her clit and then moved to the sensitive spot just behind her entrance and in a long, slow lick, he tasted all of her. He smiled as he heard her long deep moan of pleasure and feasted on her pussy with fervour. After a minute of two of tonguing her, he added two of his fingers and began to pump them in and out. He could feel and hear her reaction and knew that she was very close. Taking one last long suck on her clit, he stood up abruptly, unbuckling his shorts and pulling them down. "On your knees, woman."

Hermione, momentarily upset that her pleasure had been interrupted, realized what he wanted, and slithered off the arm of the sofa to face his cock. She grasped the shaft and pumped gently two or three times, carefully moving his foreskin back before finally swiping her tongue over the tip and then taking him as deeply as she could.

Severus grasped her head and encouraged her to move in the rhythm he liked. He moaned when he felt the tip of his cock press the back of her throat and then slide down. He felt her swallow, and he shivered in response.

After a moment, she pulled him out of her mouth, licking the slit to taste the drop of his come that pooled there, and then moved forward again to lick along the shaft and then suck one of his balls into her mouth. With one hand, she reached around and stroked his arse and eventually pressed a finger between the cleft and traced his hole. She slipped the finger slowly inside, hearing him growl in response.

He took over when he felt Hermione press her finger into his arse and began to fuck her throat. They had done this many times together, and he knew just how far he could go before he crossed the line between the mutual pleasure they both got from this act and carnal selfish pleasure. He felt his spine begin to tingle and knew that his orgasm was not too far off, but he wanted to fuck her pussy before he came. He tugged under her arms to pull her up and when she was standing, he kissed her hungrily.

"Turn around, lean over the arm," he directed, his hand indicating what he wanted to do as he spoke. Once she was position and her delectable ass was ready, he wasted no time in lining up his cock and with a growl, he pushed into her hot wet folds.

"Severus, oh gods. Fuck me, hard!" Hermione groaned.

"Oh, I intend to." He gave her no mercy as he pounded into her, pulling on her hips so that she met his thrusts. She was so tight and wet, he knew it would be long until she was screaming.

Hermione was in heaven. He had wound her up so tightly with his tongue and mouth earlier than she knew it would be long until she exploded. "Oh gods, Severus, I'm close!"

"Wait for me, love. Almost there." He pounded more furiously. "Finger yourself; let me see you finger yourself."

Hermione reached between her legs and began to rub her clit, ramping up her pleasure. She began to keen and cry out, "Oh, yes, Severus, yes, yes, yes!" screaming his name as she exploded.

The walls of her pussy clamped down onto his cock and he came, shooting his seed deep within her. He chuffed out a loud growl as he did so and then collapsed over her back.

As they panted and came down from their euphoria, they heard a clattering of feet and people shouting.

"It was from down here!"

"Did you hear the screaming?"

"Was it a ghost? Who had the metre on?"

"That poor soul must have been tortured to scream so!"

Severus and Hermione looked at each other in horror. "Did you not place a Silencing Charm?" Hermione asked as they scrambled to put their clothes back on.

"You have my wand, remember?" Severus hissed as he buckled his shorts.

"Hello? Talented wizard, remember? Wandless magic?"

Just as Hermione slipped her trainers on, a door burst open, and the tour guide slide into the room. "What are you two doing in here? I told y'all not to fall behind. Did you see anything? Did you hear the ghost?"

Severus looked at Hermione and shrugged his shoulders. "I believe it came from outside. Perhaps one of the native animals on the property?"

The whole group visibly deflated as the realisation that a ghost would not be found in the house. The tour guide looked at the couple suspiciously. "Yes, well," said the woman. "We still have to visit the shacks, so let's gather outside."

**_Four Months Later_**

Hermione came out of the bathroom dressed in her graduation robes, her hand pressing on her abdomen.

Severus, who was pacing in the living room, stopped and looked at his witch. "You look beautiful."

"I wish I felt beautiful."

"What's the matter? You've passed with flying colours, made the best marks in the year, got that job at the Ministry, and you _are_ beautiful. He pulled her close. "Come on now, the graduation ceremony starts in an hour."

They left the flat and walked to the Apparition point. As they walked, Severus said, "Hard to believe that the trip the the states paid off with the best presentation the Ministry had ever seen. It seems like you hadn't forgotten a single moment of the trip in your dissertation."

"Yes, well we did forget one thing on that trip."

"What's that?" he asked, taking her into his arms.

"It was while we were in Mississippi."

"What did we forget?" He just caught her words as he turned into the Apparition.

"A contraceptive spell."


End file.
